jpierrepontcriss: my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home
katnissandhermione: i just realised there are more nipples in the world than there are people
when you start liking someone: ah fuck
godheadcomplex: if i ever tell you that something is my favorite song dont listen to me im a fucking liar i have more favorite songs than there are babies in china
dickfaerie: my favorite activity is pretending that i can sing
dirkkat: i like how some people on tumblr tell you nothing about their personal lives and remain a total enigma even after months of following them and then some other people on tumblr practically liveblog their farts
How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If...
*Man walks into a store and finds employee*
Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
Man: I never filled out an application.
Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
Man: Fuck you, slut.
ifyoucarryonthisway: the worst thing about being shy and introverted is that you most of the time come off as cold and arrogant like you think you’re better than everyone else and that’s why you don’t talk to people or hang out with them but it’s really the opposite its like you’re so uncomfortable with yourself that you don’t wanna share it with anyone else so you just don’t and people think...
psyducked: someone telling me to calm down when I was already calm unleashes a fury that not even hell can contain
-circa: I hate hearing the crack in people’s voices before they’re about to cry.
batteur: ah yes I’ve just thought the perfect sassy answer to that horrible thing someone told to me 4 years ago